Cancer for a Day

Preface: This post is not to be offensive to those who acctually had a different out come!

Just a quick background recently I have not been feeling well and this has been lasting for about 6 months I have been to countless doctors just to say we can't see anything or your test have come back normal and Doctors telling me to stop eating gluten, dairy, MSG...pretty much just stop eating unless you want to be miserable:)

The not eating gluten and dairy helped...a little... but I knew something else was wrong finally a doctor decided to end this madness! She suspected an ovarian cyst, endometriosis, or ovarian tumor and others options. (I know TMI but its part of the story)

TUMOR?!

Of course when I heard this my mind forgot all of the other diagnoses and was stuck on this. I always wondered how I would react if I had to face something like this....and I found out. I cried like a little baby and was terrified...as you can imagine. But then I decided it wasn't worth it and this is where this post is coming from.

Because my mind was very preoccupied with the idea of having cancer it raced a hundred places. "I am fine there is probably nothing there" all the way to" What if I were to leave the earth this way?"

I know you are thinking, "DRAMATIC Jordan", but in my defense my mind couldn't help but go there when a doctor is sending you to get an ultra sound and blood test "just to be sure". I know I am fine but, I am grateful my mind went there because it changed my perspective and idea about who I am.

I learned that I want to love deeper

I love my family and I naturally love and I love people deeply but, I don't serve them or speak to them the way I acctually feel towards them. I want my family to always know that I love them and would do anything to make them happy. I learned that I have great friends and that I need to be a better one. It changed my perspective on how I want my friends and family to remember me if I were to leave now or in 100 years.

 I learned what really is important

Money, status, clothes, make-up, jewelry.....they became NOTHING to me

okay I still love to get ready, no matter what the outcome , but I mean I learned I would rather be with people, be with my family, serve others spend time studying scriptures and becoming closer to my Heavenly Father. I decided that I want to continue my education as long as I can... its important to me. And to be grateful I get to go to school. I learned that Money is NEVER how people will recognize ME or remember ME.

I learned about who I am and who I want to be

I learned that I have some smelly stinky qualities and that there are qualities I want to have. If you think about it, this life is short no matter if you live to take 1 breath or to 120 years old. Now is the time to develop the talents and qualities you want. Do I want to be a self-centered person or always serve and focus on others? Do I want to be known as a late person or 15 min. early? Am I a procrastinator or over achiever? Do I want to be clean and organized or messy? Do I want to be a singer or a dancer or and artist or a lacrosse player or what ever talents are out there. I learned that if I want to do something I am going to do it! Everyone knows I love to run and race, I have always loved it but all of a sudden going out and training wasn't hard anymore, because I knew its what I want to be...I want to be a runner. I stood infront of people to sing again because I want to be a singer. I want to be a personal trainer and a physical therapist so I study harder and got a training internship and clients! BECOME THE PERSON YOU HAVE ALWAYS DREAMED OF!

I learned that I love my man

How lucky am I to have such an incredible husband who holds the priesthood and who supports me in all the ways he can think of? He makes me laugh and he makes me happier than I have ever been. We make goals together and we don't reach some goals together, we have dreams and ideas of what we want to do and become together and we are best friends. He is so talented and I love watching him play! I am wrapped around his finger and so crazy in love with everything about him.

I learned that I am a Daughter of God.

Ok....I already have known that my whole life but, know I REALLY TRULY know that...and if you don't I encourage you to find out for yourself, its the greatest knowlege that carries me through everything. I learned that my body is such a gift and is so fragile. I learned that I need to show gratitude to my Heavenly Father by taking good care of it. I learned that I want to him to be proud of my actions everyday and I want to not be afraid of when he comes again but be able to stand strong and proud of what I have done with the gifts, blessings and trials he has given me. I all of a suddent wanted a deeper more genuine relationship with him and if I learn anything from this, I would prefer it to be this one.

Now this is where I don't want to be offensive....so far I am fine....I am NOT going to die of this and the doctor thinks its a little mixture of endometriosis and a hemorragic cyst which just might go away or be surgically removed...I understand not all will get this easy of a diagnosis, we work with many that face this trial all the time, and some and have to leave the doctor with worse news and continue to go back to fight it. To those who do My heart goes out to you and your families, keep fighting and and I apologize for speaking lightly of a diagnosis that is so serious but, thank you for teaching me to appreciate what we have and to be positive like you.

I just wanted to share what I learned with you so you don't have to face something so silly to realize what really matters to you and embarrass yourself on a blog posting all about what we should have known years ago!

On a lighter note Official B-BALL Practice starts in 2 days and I can blog about what this blog was made for BASKET BALL SEASON!!!

Kagers gets married in 7 days!

And a give-away on my blog in October!!!